Posts Tagged ‘诗歌’

2014年元旦诗乐会

Wednesday, January 1st, 2014

Benno的朗诵

不知不觉,元旦诗会已经举办了三年。第一次是2010年12月31日在花园西村西咖啡馆举办的跨年朗诵会,我当时写过一篇博客《横跨两年的朗诵》,2012年元旦是在滨江的蜜桃咖啡,从2013年开始,我和冯一刀都有家有口,跨年是跨不动了,就改在下午举行。当时在灵隐寺附近的樵食的帐篷里,大家围炉诵诗,也好不热闹。

2014年,叶子的Downtown网咖乐意承办这次诵诗会。叶子和冯一刀作了大量前期准备工作,包括:设计海报、打印诗歌、精选音乐、确认名单、布置场地、邀请歌手等等。没有他们两个,这次诗会铁定搞不成。

按照约定,诗会在下午2点举行,我12:30就从家开车出发,心想,一个半小时的时间,路上再怎么磨叽,也不可能迟到吧。然而,人算不如天算,我去城西接本次活动的另一位主持人流川枫老师的时候,她告诉我,刚刚起床,正在洗漱。我把车停到她的小区,进了路边一家玩具店,给儿子买了一把打肥皂泡的水枪。想不到,流川枫因为最近不再状态,磨蹭了半个多小时才出现。等我们开到西城广场的时候,已经1点55分了。

想不到城西富人区,停车是个大麻烦,地下车库全满,路边也停满,唯一一条通向地面停车场的小路上汽车犬牙交错。如果是我一个人来,估计转半个小时也不可能找到车位,但是上苍派来了伟大的流川枫。我把车丢给她,自己上楼去了。就在我等电梯的当儿,她打电话来说,车已停妥。原来有位奔驰司机看到她是美女的面子上,把路旁唯一一个车位让给了她!

活动基本按时举行。到场的诗歌爱好者有20多人,大家丢下庶务,围坐在一起,把接下来的两个小时留给诗歌。

主持人

诗会的节目流程如下:

2014元旦诗乐会节目单

策划:冯一刀
主持人:流川枫、王佩

1、王多莉:《树的念想》(原创)
2、Benno: 一首英文诗,一首荷兰诗
3、Jessy: In Me, Past, Present, Future Meet, 《你若懂我,该是多好》(by 莫言)
4、流川枫:《回忆》(by 里尔克)
5、刘桂兰:《碎片思绪之一》(原创)
6、冯一刀:《12月12日》、《孩子的世界》(原创)–因主持人疏忽,忘了这个节目,没念,遗憾。
7、施可:《晚安宝贝》–因暂时不在座位上,没念,遗憾。
8、戴维:原创诗三首。
9、Richard:背诵英文长诗A Cup of Christmas Tea (by Tom Hegg)
10、Sarah:Psalm 144
11、Rebecca:《传道书》第3章
12、江丰:弹唱《风筝》、《送别》
13、Gemsie三人组:Forever My Sister and My Friend
14、诸佳、叶子:《你是人间的四月天》
15、鲁洁:《车过枋寮》(by 余光中) 背景音乐伴奏 by 江丰
16、Edward:原创短诗
17、西瓜、豆豆、南瓜等儿童大联唱
18、陈静:《神是我们的保护者》
19、集体朗诵:《二十首情诗和一首绝望的歌》之10《我们甚至失去了》(by 聂鲁达 翻译:陈黎)

令人惊叹的是,来自美国明尼苏达州的Richard用充满韵律感的语调,背诵了一首900个英文单词的长诗《一杯圣诞茶》。Tom Hegg的这首叙事诗,写给自己的姑姑,深沉质朴、温婉动人,凛凛有古风。姑姑因中风半身行动不便,但依然像往年那样邀请诗人去喝圣诞茶,诗人出于对病患的顾忌,起初不想去,但最后还是登门了。他发现姑姑虽然健康受损,但生命力依旧旺盛,她跛着腿给侄子烤的甜点,依然那么好吃。

现把这首美丽的诗篇原文照登如下,如果你懂英文的话,一定要读一读。如果你忙得连这么一首诗都不去读,那您可……真是个大忙人啊!

A Cup of Christmas Tea

~ By Tom Hegg ~

The log was in the fireplace, all spiced and set to burn.
At last the yearly Christmas race was in the clubhouse turn.
The cards were in the mail, all the gifts beneath the tree
And 30 days reprieve till Visa could catch up with me.

Though smug satisfaction seemed the order of the day,
Something still was nagging me and would not go away.
A week before, I got a letter from my old great Aunt.
It read: “Of course I’ll understand completely if you can’t,
But if you find you have some time how wonderful if we
Could have a little chat and share a cup of Christmas tea.”

She’d had a mild stroke that year which crippled her left side.
Though house bound now my folks had said it hadn’t hurt her pride.
They said: “She’d love to see you. What a nice thing it would be
For you to go and maybe have a cup of Christmas tea.”

But boy! I didn’t want to go. Oh, what a bitter pill
To see an old relation and how far she’d gone downhill.
I remembered her as vigorous, as funny and as bright.
I remembered Christmas Eves when she regaled us half the night.

I didn’t want to risk all that. I didn’t want the pain.
I didn’t need to be depressed. I didn’t need the strain.
And what about my brother? Why not him? She’s his aunt, too!
I thought I had it justified, but then before I knew
The reasons not to go I so painstakingly had built
Were cracking wide and crumbling in an acid rain of guilt.

I put on boots and gloves and cap, shame stinging every pore
And armed with squeegee, sand and map, I went out my front door.
I drove in from the suburbs to the older part of town
The pastels of the newer homes gave way to gray and brown.

I had that disembodied feeling as the car pulled up
And stopped beside the wooden house
That held the Christmas cup.
How I got up to her door I really couldn’t tell . . .
I watched my hand rise up and press the button of the bell.

I waited, aided by my nervous rocking to and fro
And just as I was thinking I should turn around and go
I heard the rattle of the china in the hutch against the wall.
The triple beat of two feet and a crutch came down the hall.
The clicking of the door latch and the sliding of the bolt
And a little swollen struggle popped it open with a jolt.

She stood there pale and tiny, looking fragile as an egg.
I forced myself from staring at the brace that held her leg.
And though her thick bifocals
Seemed to crack and spread her eyes,
Their milky and refracted depths lit up with young surprise.
“Come in!” “Come in!” She laughed the words.
She took me by the hand
And all my fears dissolved away as if by her command.
We went inside and then before I knew how to react
Before my eyes and ears and nose
Was Christmas past . . . alive . . . intact!

The scent of candied oranges, of cinnamon and pine,
The antique wooden soldiers in their military line,
The porcelain Nativity I’d always loved so much,
The Dresden and the crystal I’d been told I mustn’t touch.
My spirit fairly bolted like a child out of class
And danced among the ornaments of calico and glass.

Like magic I was six again, deep in a Christmas spell
Steeped in the million memories the boy inside knew well.
And here among old Christmas cards so lovingly displayed
A special place of honor for the ones we kids had made.
And there, beside her rocking chair, the center of it all
My great Aunt stood and said
How nice it was that I had come to call.

I sat and rattled on about the weather and the flu
She listened very patiently then smiled and said, “What’s new?”
Thoughts and words began to flow. I started making sense.
I lost the phony breeziness I use when I get tense.
She was still passionately interested in everything I did.
She was positive. Encouraging. Like when I was a kid.
Simple generalities still sent her into fits
She demanded the specifics . . . the particulars . . . the bits.

We talked about the limitations that she’d had to face.
She spoke with utter candor and with humor and good grace.
Then defying the reality of crutch and straightened knee
On wings of hospitality she flew to brew the tea.
I sat alone with feelings that I hadn’t felt in years.
I looked around at Christmas through a thick hot blur of tears.

And the candles and the holly she’d arranged on every shelf,
The impossibly good cookies she still somehow baked herself.
But these rich and tactile memories Became quite pale and thin
When measured by the Christmas
My great Aunt kept deep within.
Her body halved and nearly spent, But my great Aunt was whole.
I saw a Christmas miracle, the triumph of a soul.

The triple beat of two feet and a crutch came down the hall.
The rattle of the china in the hutch against the wall.
She poured two cups, she smiled, And then she handed one to me.
And then we settled back and had a cup of Christmas tea.

另外,附上冯一刀没有朗诵的一首原创诗

《12月12日》

写于2010年12月12日
by 冯一刀

没有女人
床是空的,也心是空的
这是多么令人沮丧的发现
曾经设想清灯孤寂的生活
隐居山林,甚至以此终老
这雨夜却教我格外想念女人
心里只有格外的惆怅

“当时明月在,曾照彩云归”
错过了离开了的女人
所有的一切,证明了男人离不开女人
人生啊,是一条怎样的河流
让我们无法回到过去,也无法确定未来
谁是那个在有一天早晨——
她的鼻息轻轻冲到你的脸上
而你会像婴儿般享受她的注视

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一首英文诗的翻译问题

Thursday, December 27th, 2012

T.S-艾略特有一首诗Eyes That Last I Saw in Tears,国内有多个翻译版本,我的朋友李雨赪发现两个主要的译本,意思迥异,就发信问我。诗,虽然我不懂,英语字典我还会查一些。于是,找到了原诗,对照《牛津大词典》(OED),结合相关论文,研读了一番。

点击查看绿豆和裘小龙的翻译

许多翻译的诗看不懂,原因是翻译者自己没有看懂。艾略特的两个翻译版本都有错误,因为翻译者(尽管其中之一还是个朦胧诗人)压根儿就不懂几个关键的英文单词在句子中的意思。估计是对着《英汉小词典》或者金山词霸翻译的。而事实上,要翻译这样的诗歌,至少要查大部头的英英词典,还要查阅英美学者对此诗的解读,方能译出个大概。

诗,非我所长,散文,我还凑合。下面逐字逐句,翻译成散文体吧。

Eyes that last I saw in tears
Through division
Here in death’s dream kingdom
The golden vision reappears

第一阙(姑且叫阙吧),看上去很简单,但是两个译者都出错了,因为第一个单词division,他们都理解成了“边界”,“边疆”,还好,没理解成海关和口岸就不错了。这也怪不得他们,因为普通的英文小词典就是这么说的。事实上,这个单词在这里的意思是“分手”。

接下来,又有两个地方,两位译者全弄拧了。

death’s dream kingdom,直译为“死亡的梦幻国度”,这是与下阙中death’s other kingdom,直译“死亡的其他国度”,相对应的。

直译的话,这首诗基本看不懂。

其实,一个说的是,理想的死后生活,一个说的是,实际上的死后生活。

转换成中国老百姓能够明白的语言,前者叫“西方极乐世界”,或者叫“太虚幻境”,后者叫“奈何桥”,或者叫“离恨天”,比较合适。

golden vision,翻译成“黄金时代的景象”,是胡说八道。这是错把托马当荷马,误把情诗当史诗。

翻译成“金色的幻象”,也不能说错,但是此处说的是,那双眼睛又出现了。

尽管对于一个配眼镜的师傅或者一个眼科医生来说,眼睛只不过是一堆水晶体加视神经而已,但是在情人的眼睛里,眼睛足以说明一切,传达一切。巧笑倩兮,美目盼兮,明眸善睐,眉目传情,民间说男女好上了会说“看对眼了”……看看这些汉语里的词组,就知道大概了。

I see the eyes but not the tears
This is my affliction

直译:我看到了那双眼睛,而不是泪水,这是我的受的苦。

把affliction翻译成苦难,有点小题大做,其实这里的affliction,可以精确地对译成–“谁谓荼苦,其甘如荠”中的苦。

所以上阙翻译成咱们老北京胡同串子和成都老杆儿也能理解的语言,是这么个意思,

最末了一次看见她的眼,梨花带雨的,都是因为闹掰了,分了。在死后的太虚幻境里,那眉眼儿又出现了,可是为什么我只看到明眸善睐,却找不到(当年牛魔王滴到铁扇公主心里的)那滴眼泪呢?苦哇,我真是苦哇。

This is my affliction
Eyes I shall not see again
Eyes of decision
Eyes I shall not see unless
At the door of death’s other kingdom
Where, as in this,
The eyes outlast a little while
A little while outlast the tears
And hold us in derision.

下阙是比较难翻译,因为诗人用了一个长句子。上中学的时候,我们常常被语文课的划分句子成分弄晕,其实这玩意都是西方语言的糟粕。我们汉语,何时需要这种啰里啰嗦,拖泥带水的复句。

我们刘姥姥是这样说话的:“我们村庄上种地种菜,每年每日,春夏秋冬,风里雨里,那里有个坐着的空儿?”

要是换成英国女王,话得这么说才够“范儿”。“我们村庄里的居民无论在何种季节、何种天气下都必须种植农作物,包括且不限于粮食、蔬菜、经济作物等,从而在某种程度上减少了悠闲地坐着的时间。”

诗中这句在中国人看来不是人话的复句,直译是这样的:

那双眼,我再也看不到了,那双决心分手的眼睛。那双眼,我再也看不到了,除非走过奈何桥之后,就像这里一样,眼睛比一小会儿更长,一小会儿比眼泪更长,[那双眼睛]嘲弄地看着我们。

此处有几个难点,一个是eyes of decision, 这里的意思是“决意分手时的眼神”,一个是where, as in this中,this指代什么,应该是this death’s kingdom的简称,也就是上文说过的death’s dream kingdom,死后的乐土。

所以,整首诗翻译成日常语言,连起来,就是:

最末了一次看见她的眼,梨花带雨的,都是因为闹掰了,分了。在死后的太虚幻境里,那眉眼儿又出现了,可是为什么我只看到明眸善睐,却找不到(当年牛魔王滴到铁扇公主心里的)那滴眼泪呢?苦哇,我真是苦哇。

苦哇,我真苦哇,那对眸子,我再也看不到了,那双决意分手时[狠心]的眼。

那双眼睛,我再也看不到了,除非走过奈何桥,那里,跟幻想中死后乐土一样,眼睛里不再有眼泪,而是嘲弄地看着我们[这些健忘的人间多情种]。

这么翻译,能明白了吗?

换成他们诗人喜欢用的语言,或可以硬译如下:

《忆昔泪眼盈盈处》

忆昔泪眼盈盈处,
分道扬镳路。
此地恰逢景幻仙,
又把明眸晤。
晤也不含泪,
有苦无处诉。

有苦无处诉,
眉眼不再聚,
决意分手眼波横,
挥手兹兹去。

美目不再现,
除非离恨天,
彼处如此处,,
手牵景幻仙。
眼比刹那长,
刹那比泪远,
笑看你傻侬更痴,
一对十三点。

多余的话:我现在终于明白了为什么现代诗看不懂了。因为现代诗模仿的是翻译过来的外国诗,而一大部分译者在翻译外国诗的时候,没有看明白诗的意思,只好掰着《英汉小词典》乱译。诗人们看了这些天书,如获至宝,以为外国人的诗就是这么写的,也跟着用母语模仿,久而久之,就成了朦胧诗、现代诗、先锋诗歌。

Update:针对本篇博文,诗人李代桃写了一篇反驳文章《用谁的黄金眼来读》,读罢受益匪浅。

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